Hi everyone. So based on the number of emails, texts, facebook messages, as well as anonymously hand-written questions that I’ve received, I decided to add a new page, solely to answer your questions the best way that I can. Sometimes my answers may elicit a laugh, but the majority of the questions I have been asked to answer are not humorous in nature. I would also like to remind any and all who read this that my college degrees have ZERO to do with psychology, so please note that these are just MY answers, and if you disagree, it’s ok. Feel free to comment. I encourage discussion whenever possible.

When it comes to self-esteem and self-confidence, I can tell you that there is not one person on this planet with zero self-confidence or self-esteem issues. In fact, the ones who yap the loudest, are also usually the ones with the smallest reflection of their inner selves. Confidence comes from different places. Some people are lucky enough to be born with it, but even without the head-start, you still may be afforded opportunities to allow your confidence to grow. And if you’ve grown up in an environment where you were told at every chance that you weren’t worth the pot you pissed in, you can still learn to overcome whatever obstacles you have faced, and build the confidence to make your life a genuine one.

Because the only experiences I can accurately convey are my own, I will be using myself as an example. From the time I entered 6th grade, I attended a brand new school, every year, until I graduated. That’s right – 6 different schools, and each time, I was the NEW GIRL. Can you imagine what I went through? Pre-teens and teens are meaner than most death-row inmates. My life was a nightmare – rumor after rumor after rumor. I was fortunate enough to never get beat up by any of these mean girls, but boy, did they make life hard. It’s really easy to develop a thick skin when you don’t have anyone to rely on but yourself.

Even the times when I would be invited to a party or someone would invite me to their house just to hang out, in my mind I would think, “Why in the world would they want to hang out with me? I’m such a loser. I wish I was as pretty/popular/cool as all the other girls…” etc., but they NEVER knew it, because I faked it. No matter what room I walked in, I held my head high, even if I was quivering inside. And I did this because people, by nature, are predatory. If they sense someone is weak or insecure, there is a strong likelihood that those people will take any and all opportunities to exploit you for their own satisfaction. Not all, but many.

Regardless of how humiliated, mortified, sad, or uncomfortable I was, I never let on. I kept my head high, and learned to FAKE IT. But then something strange happened. One day in college, I woke up and realized that after trying so hard to appear confident for so long, I had actually tricked my mind into believing it, and then my confidence became authentic and a true part of my psyche. Having said that, I still experience times when it seems as if my confidence leaves for an extended vacation, and I’m then faced with the task of faking it again.

Simply put, in order to build confidence when you have low self-esteem, you have to fake it until you make it. There is a saying by Eleanor Roosevelt that I have on my Facebook page that says, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Truer words have never been spoken in relation to building confidence. Don’t EVER give anyone else, friend or foe, real estate in your head. If you learn to truly believe in yourself, then you will build confidence at a rapid rate. It’s not easy, but it DOES happen.

One thing I think is extremely important to point out, is that there is a STARK contrast between confidence and arrogance. The ones who bark the loudest are usually the ones with the smallest tales. (<– misspelling INTENDED) And arrogance is most often a blatant sign of a lack of confidence in a person. People with confidence will readily admit when they are wrong, and will also allow their friends to be themselves.

It all comes down to a simple question: Who’s opinion of you matters more – yours or theirs. As soon as you can “confidently” answer with ‘yours’, you’ll be amazed at how your life can and will transform. And this is also a question that can be applied to any and all facets of your life. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, ask yourself that question. Having a disagreement with a friend or family member? Ask yourself that question. When you want to pursue a dream, but you’re hesitant, ask yourself that question. In fact, when I started this blog, I asked myself that very question before I hit the Publish button on my very first post.

Good luck, my friend. I hope I was able to give you some food for thought.

Kate