I won’t be writing for a bit while I recover, but in case you’re wondering what breast augmentation + a c-section scar revision feels like, please see my response to my friend when asked,

“Hey, Kate! How are you feeling this morning?”

My response:

“I feel like I went on vacation, and ended up in the movie Hostel. Some ass-fuck from Wall Street had a sick fantasy and he was able to live it out, through me. First, he took a knife and slashed open my stomach, then cut off my nipples and shoved puffer fish inside. They keep freaking out cuz they’re not in their tank, so they keep “puffing out” and stabbing me. Meanwhile, now that he’s cut open my stomach, he’s slowly pouring lemon juice, rubbing alcohol, Tabasco, and jalapeño juice inside my gaping wound, and then once the wound is completely full of these substances, he’s taking wasabi & salt and rubbing it on top.

Oh, and I’ve been up since 2am. Other than that, I’m doing great!! Thanks for asking, T. 🙂 “