Well – based on what I’ve read, apparently I’m a good lay!

I really appreciate everyone’s positive feedback, but I was kind of hoping at least one person would tell me I suck, so I could simply respond with, “Your mama.” Damn – I really miss saying that.

Anyway, I’m currently on my 9th consecutive episode of Team Umizoomi, and at my current state I would really love it if Milli would take some of that Pattern Power and shove it into Bot’s Botimet, so I’m switching gears!

I’m so excited because I have been asked my first question from a friend named Felicia. (No- that’s not her real name, and I will NEVER divulge real names, unless asked to.)

Felicia wants my advice on how she can get her husband to be a little more adventurous in bed, after so many years together. Apparently, he’s gotten boring. I don’t even need to elaborate… we’ve all been with “that guy”. Same place, same position, same strange facial expressions, and the same short grunts that make you wonder whether you’re actually having sex, or sitting on a boar’s snout.

As far as sex goes, I’m far from an expert. But I do like porn, so for the purposes of this question, I shall live vicariously through them in order to give you my advice, and whilst doing so, I shall call myself Naveah. (Side note: naming your child Naveah should be considered a felony)

I think if you and your husband have been together a long time, and you feel like things should get spicier, then, Felicia – you’ve got to take the reins! After more than a decade together, you should feel comfortable enough with your significant other to feel perfectly ok with doing the following: Wait until your man gets home, and when he opens the door, greet him in full clown makeup while wearing a rotating strap-on, a ball gag, and an aluminum foil cone hat. Trust me. Your hubby will be so freaked out that almost ANYTHING you suggest, aside from what’s in front of him, is almost guaranteed to be embraced with open arms and a chubby, if slightly limpy, penis.

On a serious note, men are simple creatures. Take baby steps. Start out with some new, fun toys. I can’t recommend role-playing, although I know it’s fun for a lot of couples. I start giggling even thinking about it. And if you’re nervous about the prospect of using toys, use your fingers…. cuz prostates have feelings, too. 😉