You know… there came a point when I sincerely wondered if I would ever write again. With all that has changed in my life over the past year, as well as within me, as a person, I just wasn’t sure if there was any point. I’ve written about so many things. So many topics. Most of them humorous, in nature…. but now? Now I find it harder to find the laughter in situations when our world is literally going to shit. I actually feel guilty for being happy. How fucking backasswards is that? Who knew there’d come a time when happiness and joy became a commodity, and not just a part of daily life?
Frankly, I have zero desire to discuss world events. Wanna know something interesting? The word “NEWS” – ever wondered its origin? It’s because it represents information coming from the “North” “East” “West” & “South“…. interesting, no? Just let that sink in….but what I find even more interesting is the term “information.”I often find myself separating the word and pronouncing it, “in formation”. Because let’s just keep shit real; that’s really the goal of telling people the NEWS anyway… to keep them in…formation. Which is precicely why I believe half of what I see and none of what I hear.
I know those of you reading this are wondering when the hell I’m going to get to my point; truth is, I don’t have one. I’m so happy just to have the urge to write… this is merely me verbally diarrheaing (that should soooo be a word) all over my blog, just to get the wheels turning.
I know you guys want me to make you laugh. I know you look forward to delving into the mind of a total fucking weirdo… I just don’t know if I have it in me, at the moment. So much has happened. I don’t even know where to start. My friends keep telling me to write a book about my journey. Perhaps, somewhere deep down, that’s what I’ve been preparing myself for. But a book? An actual book? Yeesh.
For those of you who don’t know me, or who may ONLY know me through my writings, there’s a lot that has transpired. To save myself the trouble (I’m lazy AF), I’m going to bullet point it for you, and then YOU can decide if you’d prefer I explain my journey using more than mere bullet points….
The last time I really connected with my readers was about a year ago; since then, I’ve documented my life via a few videos and photos, just to reassure people I don’t speak to that I was, in fact, still alive…. So in a nutshell, this is what has happened.
- Realized I was GAY
- Sat on the realization for the better part of a year before finally telling my husband
- Told three young children (5, 6 & 8, at the time) their mommy is a lesbian
- Now a single mother, raising three children….with, I might add, the help of my wasband, who is the most incredible man ALIVE. If you only knew how supportive he’s been.
- Still trying to navigate my way, trying to figure out what it is that I truly want for my life, and the type of legacy I want to leave for my children.
And so much more has happened, so much that I want to tell you. Because I wouldn’t believe it, had it not happened and continue to happen, to me.
You know what?… it’s funny. I get teased for being an over poster, but the truth is…. the way I see it? My social media accounts ARE a part of my legacy in this new digital world. One day, my children will see my memes, see me embracing my sexuality as a woman, as well as embracing my life as a gay woman who didn’t even realize she was gay until her late 30s. They will read my silly captions and hashtags, and see the laughter in my eyes and the smiles on my face, knowing that there was life before retirement. In effect, it’s a TIME CAPSULE for my kids…. and for anyone else who fancies a look. It is, after all, a public account.
I haven’t read back a word I’ve written, and aside from using spellcheck, I don’t really have the desire to. I’m just so grateful to be back where I feel most myself. Putting my ideas, thoughts, opinions, etc., on paper, trying to reach even just one person with my prose. If I succeed in doing that, then kudos to me.
Guys… this is NOT a bragging moment…. but there are 160+ countries full of people reading my blog, and it’s all been 100% via word of mouth, so if you have something specific you’d like me to address in a post, please don’t be afraid to reach out to me. With so many of you reading the same posts, I need you to know that whatever trepidation you may be feeling, I can pretty much guarantee there are many others, in many other countries feeling the same way. So don’t shirk. Many of you have reached out to me already, which is why I started the Facebook Live videos. But I’m not a celebrity. I don’t have a group of people, sitting in a room, deciding which topics I should discuss. Not to mention, I don’t get paid to do this. No joke. I am just a woman, living her life, hoping beyond hope that I can inspire or help at least one person…. I’m a woman transcribing her memories and creating a time capsule for her children . I know they’ll be proud of me. and I know this… because every time they’ve heard another child tell them their mom is “really weird”, they say, “I know, right?! Aren’t we lucky?”
If they only knew that it is I who is the lucky one. Lucky that my children are accepting and confident and aren’t afraid to stand up for themselves. They don’t have a lot of friends. But that’s ok. I tell them, “Neither did I, as a kid.” I’ve told them I’ve always been picky about whom I choose to call a friend, and aside from one or two glitches along the way, I’m fortunate beyond belief to have the friends that I do.”
Then I put on my “serious mom” face and I say, “Listen…no matter how nice or funny or whatever you may be, there will always be kids who won’t like you, for whatever reason or another. Bottom line? The sooner you accept that you were born to make a difference, and not just to ‘follow the herd’, the easier it will be to tune out the peanut gallery.” My six year-old hasn’t a fucking clue, but I still tell her the same thing. She’ll get it… one day.
Okay – enough rambling for now. I’ve been brainstorming in my head, and I remember doing a post of “The Top 5 Things I’ve Come to Terms With in 2015”. I think perhaps its time for an update…. so stay tuned.
And for FUCK’S SAKE…. no matter how many times I’ve said it, you guys still ask…., so here it is, again….. 🙂
ANYONE & EVERYONE WHO CONTACTS ME WITH QUESTIONS IS KEPT 100% CONFIDENTIAL, 100% OF THE TIME.
DAMN. I hope I don’t lose some of you. Especially the haters. You guys are seriously my favorite. #truestory #fansagainsttheirwill
*Considering how random and all over the place this post was…. aww… who cares. I’m just glad I’m coming back!!!!!!
TTYL, motherfuckers. 🖤